Day 86 - If Only I Had …
“In God’s economy you can’t go back and say, ‘I should have done this,’ ‘I should have done that,’ or ‘I didn’t do this right,’” says Barbara Johnson, “because you did the best you could at the time that you did it. God knows your heart, and you can’t live in a state of regret or wishing you had done something different. There has to be closure to that.”
Many times you may beat yourself up thinking about the things you did wrong in regard to your loved one, or you are plagued with thoughts about what you could have done differently.
John’s son died by suicide. He says, “Afterwards, I remembered every time that I had mistreated him or punished him unjustly. I recalled every time I had yelled at him out of frustration and anger—everything I had done wrong as a parent to him. It’s like I was on the witness stand and there was a prosecutor who said, ‘You did this and you did that.’”
John realized that his thoughts of blame, regret, and self-condemnation were harmful and they needed to stop. He knew that good, uplifting, and strengthening thoughts are from God and he needed to focus on them. He says, “God in his grace also reminded me of when I would come home and eat lunch with my son and we would have little talks. The little things we did were good. We did have some really good times.”
Remember the good times, and counter your “if onlys” with Scripture. God’s Word is powerful and will help you conquer the negative thoughts that play in your head. Choose a Bible verse to repeat throughout the day, replacing harmful thoughts with God’s healing words.
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24).
Lord God, teach me to put off my old habits of self-condemnation and bitter regret and replace them with a new attitude of prayer and Christlikeness. Amen.