Grieving the loss of a child is a journey no one prepares for—the sadness is deep, the confusion overwhelming. Everything hurts. The weight you’re carrying is immense, and you may feel like no one can understand it.
But please know this:
You are not alone. There is hope. There is help.
“I had one thought in my mind. I’m going to feel the last heartbeat. I cut the cord when he was born. I’m going to feel the last heartbeat. And when all was said and done, he was gone.”
Ron Deal, therapist and author
At GriefShare, we understand losing a son or daughter, grandchild, brother or sister, is one of the most painful experiences anyone can endure. Through the stories of others who’ve lost children, we’ve gathered some powerful insights that can gently guide you through your healing journey.
Give yourself time
Grief is different for everyone. Some people heal slowly. Others seem to move forward faster. Be patient with yourself and your family, especially your spouse.
“You need to have realistic expectations. Each person grieves differently, uniquely, individually. You’re experiencing this pain together, but your grief looks different. So be understanding, be patient, be gracious with each other. You’re not going to grieve exactly the same way.” Dr. Paul Tautges, pastor and counselor
Grief affects everyone differently. Dr. Paul Tautges explains that even when two people are grieving the same loss, their experiences will not look exactly alike. Because of this, it’s vital to have realistic expectations and to give one another grace and patience during the healing process.
Dr. Tautges encourages families and friends to be understanding with each other as they walk through grief. You may find yourself moving through your emotions faster—or slower—than someone close to you. That’s okay. There’s no “right” way to grieve. What matters is approaching each other with kindness and recognizing that grief is as unique as the relationship lost.
Expect differences
A father may grieve in silence while a mother wants to process out loud. Neither is wrong. Recognizing those differences can help you give one another grace.
“It’s important for couples to realize that both are hurting. Both have lost so much. Both need help. We are not going to judge how you process the grief, how I process the grief. We’re going to seek help together.” Dr. Elias Moitinho, counselor and professor
Losing a child shatters your heart in ways words can’t express. Dr. Moitinho encourages grieving parents to remember that both are hurting deeply, even if their grief looks different. He explains how both have lost so much and need help. The key is not to judge how those around you process the grief. Dr. Moitinho encourages couples to seek help together. Your journey through this heartbreak will not be identical—and that’s okay.
One parent may grow quiet, pulling inward, while the other needs to talk and share memories aloud. Neither response is wrong. Giving each other the freedom to grieve differently, without judgment, can bring moments of grace into the deepest pain. Healing begins when you walk through grief together, even when your steps don’t always look the same.
Surviving siblings need space to grieve too
Your children who are still living might feel afraid, confused, or even guilty. They need your honesty, presence, and reassurance that it’s okay to talk about their loss.
“We recognize kids grieve with the emotional and social development that they have at the age they face the loss. One thing about kids is they don’t know how to connect what’s their fault and what’s not. So it’s easy for fear or guilt to get attached to their grieving process in unnecessary ways, and kids aren’t always great at putting that into words.” Dr. Brad Hambrick, counselor and pastor
When children experience a significant loss—such as the death of a parent, sibling, or other loved one—their emotional response is shaped not just by the nature of the loss but also by their stage of development. Dr. Hambrick points out that children grieve with the emotional and social tools available to them at the age they experience the loss. They are navigating complex emotions like sadness, confusion, and fear without having a fully developed understanding of what is happening to them or how to express it.
A critical aspect Dr. Hambrick highlights is that children often struggle to differentiate between what they are responsible for and what they are not. Because of this, feelings of guilt (“Was it my fault?”) or fear (“What if something happens to someone else I love?”) can easily become entangled in their grief journey. Unlike adults, who may have the language and emotional awareness to process loss in a more linear way, kids may internalize misunderstandings about the situation that they cannot easily articulate.
Further complicating their grief is that young children often express emotional pain behaviorally rather than verbally. They may act out, withdraw, regress developmentally, or show physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches. Since they “aren’t always great at putting that into words,” adults around them must be attuned to both what is spoken and what is demonstrated through behavior.
Recognizing this reality should profoundly shape how we support grieving children. Patience, open-ended conversations, and safe spaces for expression are crucial. Adults must affirm that the child is not at fault and help gently untangle fear and guilt from the grieving process—validating their emotions without rushing them to find tidy answers.
Create space to honor your child’s memory
Lighting a candle, writing in a journal, planting a tree, or celebrating their birthday in a meaningful way can help you carry their legacy with love.
Honoring your child’s memory can become a healing part of your grief journey. Nan Deal shares how creating a special place, like a “grief garden,” gave her a space to remember and celebrate her son. Nan explains that the grief garden is a place where she or anyone could go to celebrate her son’s birthday and remember his life. It’s a place to grieve safely.
Having a physical space to reflect can bring comfort when words and emotions feel too heavy to carry. Finding meaningful ways to honor your child’s life can help you keep their memory close while learning to live with the pain of their absence. Planting a tree, writing in a journal, lighting a candle, or celebrating their birthday in a special way can all be healing. These moments of remembrance are not about moving on but about carrying your child’s legacy forward with love.
Grieving safely means giving yourself permission to feel every emotion, to reflect on beautiful memories, and to grieve in ways that are meaningful to you. Whether it’s a quiet place like Nan’s grief garden or a simple daily ritual, creating space to honor your child can become a sacred part of your healing.
One of the most healing steps you can take is to speak with others who’ve lost a child. Whether you talk to a trusted friend, a pastor, or a support group, letting others in is one of the most healing choices you can make.
Finding support
GriefShare groups exist because we understand the rawness of this kind of loss. And we know that healing doesn’t come from “moving on”—but from having a place to share and be heard.
“My son passed away 6½ months ago. This program helped me process my grief and start healing. I plan to attend again. The workbook helped too.” Ashley, GriefShare participant
“Eight years after our only child died, I began leading groups to help others. I am thankful God kept leading me to comfort others.” Molly, GriefShare leader
“I went to GriefShare and they had so many resources for us. I felt that it was a safe place that I could go, and I could tell my story, and I could cry, I could even laugh, and I didn’t feel guilty or judged by anybody else.” Sue, GriefShare participant
In GriefShare, you’ll connect with others who truly understand. You’ll hear from people who’ve walked this same painful road and are now experiencing hope and peace again.