Day 171 - Sexual Intimacy Is Possible Again
If you don’t feel like being intimate with your spouse after a loved one’s death, that’s not unusual.
“With me, it was very hard to go back to a sexual relationship after my parents died,” says Sylvia. “My husband could not really understand why this bothered me, but he saw me through it, and we’ve been married forty-eight years.”
Most spouses will be understanding of your need to grieve. But if your spouse is impatient or doesn’t understand, remember there was a time when you didn’t understand just how crippling grief could be. In a similar way, your spouse may not understand the difficulty you’re having with sexual intimacy. This is one reason it’s important to lovingly communicate with your spouse why it’s so difficult for you. That may help your spouse appreciate why you’re having a difficult time being intimate.
That said, it’s also important to remember the apostle Paul’s words about husbands, wives, and sex:
“The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:4-5).
As you can see, God designed marriage not only as a way to express love to each other, but also as a means for avoiding sexual temptation. So you don’t have to wait until you desire sex in order for it to be a positive, God-honoring expression of love. Ask God to help you to be willing to care for your spouse’s needs even if you don’t desire intimacy.
God, guide my spouse and me to be able to talk openly and lovingly about our needs and desires. Give us patience with each other and a heart to serve in love. Amen.